Silently screaming

* audio: incomplete - backstreet boys *

This is for the broken hearted. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this...


signing out....

Forever and always

* audio: forever and always - taylor swift *

I been thinking so much and I finally realize it... u are meant to be with me... I talked to friends and parents and all... and with all the questions that I had to answer, most if not all the answers end with " Yes, I do "

I know its too late and it wun ever change anything... but at least I know true to myself what u are, and that I was right all along wanting to be with u. Sigh... I wish i knew this earlier.... I will always love u <3


signing out....

What hurts the most

* audio: how do I - leann rimes *

"You know what I think hurts the most? The feeling of being replaced. It's like no matter what you did, it wasn't enough. And no matter what you do to try and capture their heart again, doesn't seem to work. And you're suddenly left thinking that you'll never be enough. And a sudden sadness captures your heart that never really leaves." - JoAnne Golden

"It always seems just as soon as things are going good...just as soon as life takes a turn for the best...everything goes wrong...gets lost, and confused and all messed up...and then you crash...and just have to sit there, 'cause you don't have the strength to get up...'cause now someone else has come into the picture...and taken your place in a heartbeat...and now there is nothing you can do..."

"What if your life was devoted to someone? What if you thought they felt the same? What if you were right and they told you who it was? What if it wasn't your name?"

"I thought she was perfect. she thought I was perfect too, perfect until she found someone new. now I'm stuck here watching her. I can't take this abuse. what does this guy do that I can't do?." - plain white t's, "take me away"

"And you'll never know, dear, just how much I loved you. You'll probably think this was just my big excuse, but I stand committed to a love that came before you and the fact that I adore you is, but one of my truths."

"The only thing I'm scared of...is that you might love him more than me." - Pearl Harbor

Someday I hope u can open ur heart to me again.


signing out....

Te amo

* audio: stay - miley cyrus *

I really dont know how to stop loving u... sigh I love u so damn much and I just cant let go... ='(


signing out...

Love hurts

* audio: blind - lifehouse *

Is it really better to have loved than to not have loved at all?

Right now I disagree... having just lost the best part of my life, the best thing thats ever happened to me. Part of me cant complain... I drove her away just like I drive everyone else away.... but part of me just cant come to terms with it. My heart is breaking into more than a million pieces... and Im falling apart without u.

I really did love u B.M... Im sry for all the wrong I did and I know as many times as I apologize, it will never take away the pain I caused u. I regret not listening to u, which became the start of my downfall.

U showed me how to love someone unconditionally... with all my heart and soul, whether its the happy memories or the flaws and imperfections. U made me realize that I was right for waiting all along, b/c as soon as I got to know u, i knew that u were someone I could spend my life with.

I fucked up... I made a mistake by making u wait... we're all not perfect, Im definitely not, I made my mistake and now Im paying for it by watching u walk away from me and into the arms of another guy.

Im sry, I really am... I'd take it all back if I could, but I cant... and my ONLY hope and wish is that somewhere in the future I somehow get a chance to show u that u ARE the world... u ARE what I've always wanted, that u ARE the best and only one I wanna be with.

Im such a hopeless fool... maybe I just need to accept that I've lost u forever...... just maybe.


signing out....